Temporary goodbye

Its been a while since I have posted a blog but it's not because I forgot.  Its because I'm struggling to keep my life in check, and as I said before, one cannot give advice until they are healthy and under control. So right now, all I'm thinking about is how to stay happy and I cannot attempt to preach about life when my heart isn't in it. So for now, all I can say is; keep trudging through the snow because eventually you'll get to where you've always imagined.

What now?

In life, we get to a point where we sit in our rooms thinking what now? And we usually come up with a blank answer. I'm at this point right now and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do or what I need to do. And so right now I'm going to stand up, breathe, and just walk out of that door because being trapped and safe is not better than open and at risk.

No need to hurry

As the new year creeps up on us, we get tangled up in all the madness of excitement, champagne, and partying. Im going to admit that new years is my favorite holiday. Nothing beats it! The reason I love it though is because of the blend of three things; change, taking risks, and being adventurous. I guess in a way those are all the same thing, but they're wonderful parts of our world. Some people might disagree that change is wonderful, but I have a question for all of you.  If we had no change,  how would we exist? Well, we wouldn't if you began to even ponder about that question. We grow every day into better, more evolved people. Anyway, look at me getting all carried away. The point of this blog post was to challenge all of those who read my blog. Please, just slow down. Right before it's 11:59, or even right at 12:00, think about a way we can change how we live now in order to become better people.  I know that right when the new year arrives, ill be closing my eyes and challenging myself to get to know myself in the middle of the bustle, and when I succeed that, I will know that I am really me. (By the way, you will definitely see another new years post come up!) I hope you all enjoy the holidays! :) and remember; just slow down and reflect.

Just be happy

Oh, hi there. It's been a while since I've written, and my last post was quite the odd one. But don't get too excited, because this one will be short since I'm not feeling so well. I just wanted to mention a little bit about life. Ya know, the normal speel.
In my opinion, life is about being happy. I don't think it's about being God's representatives, or living according to his rules. My whole family is Christian, and I used to be Christian myself until I realized that living according to his rules weren't making me happy. But don't get me wrong, there are definitely things I agree with in the religion. I agree with doing good and helping other people, but the things like heaven and hell take it a little too far. To those who are about to blow up the comment section yelling at me and beginning to pray for me, don't worry about me. I respect your passion, but don't try to push a religion on me.
Now that I've mentioned that, I'm going back to the being happy part. A friend of mine has told me repeatedly times that "We can't help other people unless we, ourselves are whole." (Forgive me if those weren't your exact words) Meaning that, we can't attempt to help other people, or make someone else happy unless we are happy. It seems selfish at first thought, but how do we expect to give advice to someone in need when we need advice. But, don't forget that people never stop growing. Advice should never stop being received, and should never be put off because we don't think we need it. No matter how whole we are, that circle of wholeness can always get bigger (that was awful). So, my point is that being happy is the most important part about life, although I'm positive I've metioned that more than once.

Just a list about life

So I was trying to think of something really inspiring to write about, but I came up blank. I mean, I always have something to say so why today, can't I come up with anything to really ponder about? I still can't answer that, but I think it may be because I am absolutely EXHAUSTED, so I'm just going to make a list, because I like lists. :)

What I love most about life-
-Laughing. Laughing is by far, the best thing in this world. It is contagious, it makes everyone happy, and it's the most happy anyone can get.
-Driving. For me, driving is therapeutic. It makes me feel like I can do anything which may explain why I tend to be so much more of a... risk taker...
-Dreaming. Waking up from a dream and laying in bed and pondering is unlike anything else. But, the thing I love most about dreams is that we are really ourselves. We can't hide from our subconscious, and that's what is really amazing.
-Being in Downtown Portland. No matter if it's raining, sunny, or icy, it's all still satisfactory. It's lively, unique and truly like no other city.
-Learning something new. When I learn something new (even if it's an algebra equation) I feel empowered. Having the ability to do something new makes me feel like my life is truly worthy.

Now, you're probably wondering why I haven't included something like "my family". I'm getting there. Trust me! (This may be a long list, so if you're bored you might as well stop now!)

-Going to the beach. I feel like this is on everyone's list. For some reason, it's like traveling to another world. If you're by yourself or with a group of family or friends, it always feel like time flies by with no responsibilities. I love feeling careless for a while.
-Traveling. Although I haven't traveled to many places, it still feels like it's a huge part of my life. I've shaped my whole future around traveling and experiencing whole new cultures and societies. It's an interesting thing to think about how different life can be in other countries.
-Playing with dogs. Dogs are the most loving creatures on this earth. Simple as that.
-Cooking/baking with my family. Although it doesn't happen often, whenever I think about what I love most about my family a scene of me and my cousin Elly chopping vegetables and frosting cakes comes up.
-Shopping with my mom. It's a truly bonding experience. Her and I have the same style, so when we bond over heels, bags, and cute shirts it feels like we're closer than ever.
-Reading. This should have been first on the list. Reading is my thing. On my first birthday, as a Romanian tradition, we have various objects set out in front of us such as a hair brush, money, car keys, a book, jewelry, etc. to determine what kind of things we'll love most. Well, I happened to actually grab the car keys and the book, and I would not let go. Oddly enough, I haven't changed one bit since my first birthday, and I saw the video of me doing this just few months back.
-Holidays. Everyone's together. What can get any better than that?
-Eating. What can I say? I love food!
-Writing lists. Not sure why, but it makes me feel organized.

Well that concludes that list after a half an hour of writing it. But, this list isn't over. Things are added almost every day. I hope I've inspired you all to write your own lists and really appreciate the good things in life!

Future plans... I mean surprises.

Things never turn out the way they're supposed to. We always get involved into something thinking "Okay, this is how it's going to turn out." But really, it never turns out that way! Life hands us situations and we're always the one to be surprised by the end result, when later in life when you look back you begin to think "How did I not see it coming?" How can we change that? How can we look at a situation before we get involved and know what's going to happen? Sometimes I wish we had the ability to do just that, but I know we can't.
But it's not always a bad thing. Usually the best things in life are from surprises. That "unexpected" child. The spontanious travel plans where you meet your future spouse. It's really amazing how these things just happen. So, since we never really for-see our future, we should stop trying to, and begin to really just absorb what's happening now.

Relationships is life, correct?

You know what's absolutely crazy? Dreams. Last night I had a dream that I was really mad at someone and later in the dream, that same person ended up getting in an accident and ending up in a coma in a hospital. In reality I've never really been mad at this person so having a dream about it seemed odd. When I thought more about it, I realized that because I don't get mad at them, means I don't understand how important they are to me. It wasn't until they were in the hospital that I really felt heart broken and absolutely wrecked.
Now that I'm awake, I can't stop thinking about how rotten it was for me to feel like our relationship was gauranteed to last. Whether the relationship was broken up by natural causes or a silly thing one of us did, the lesson was obvious. We can't get too comfortable in life.
Life works just like that. As soon as we get comfortable, it does something to surprise us. It's sad that we have to constantly be on our toes, ready for anything to come at us, but that's what life is all about. Life is all about relationships right? Without them, there is no life. So, if relationships are impossible to predict, than so is life (although we all knew that haha). My point is; never get too comfortable. As soon as you close your eyes to relax, something will flash and you'll be temporarily blind. So, just get ready for it.

What is success?

I'm going to make this one simple and short.
Being happy is THE most important thing in life. Not being rich, not living in paradise, not dying old, not being pretty. Just being happy. You can live in a giant house on the beach in Maui with a chef and personal hair dresser, but if you lay awake at night feeling miserable, it's time for a change. Doesn't matter how rich you are. If you're unhappy, you've got to find a different reason to live! I know I'm not rich, and "successful" to some people's definitions, but I'm successful in my own definition. If I'm happy, and surrounded by friends and family, than I am more successful than the president.
Goodnight everyone.

Emotions; the human gasoline.

Human emotions are beautiful. I was just about to list a few that I'm feeling right now, and than I realized that that would be nearly impossible. As human beings, we feel emotions that we don't even have names for! Our emotions power us. Keep us going. If we don't feel motivated, well than we won't get anything done correctly. If we feel sad, we sit quietly. If we feel excited, we're smiling, and our bodies are actually slightly bouncing. If we feel in love, we're always smiling. The point of my babbling, is to show that without emotions, if we were robots, nothing would be done the same. 99% of the things we do daily now would most likely be eliminated.
I'm one of those kind of people who feel all types of emotions in thirty seconds. I wouldn't call it bi-polar, but sensitive. Whenever I'm watching a movie or reading a book, I always feel the same emotions the main character is. If they're sad, I'm usually crying my eyes out. If they feel happy and in love, it literally makes my day. Those emotions make my emotions. So, as human beings, we revolve around the things that make us feel alive. Watching movies and reading books make me feel alive, which is why I'm almost always doing those things. Now, I can't speak for other people but I konw that when I see a person doing what they're passionate about, they act and even look like a different person.
Have you noticed that people who sing or play an instrument, and are passionate about it, seem to have the most lively facial expression. Literally all of the things we do revolve around our emotions! Every time I think about the power of our emotions, I'm stunned. Emotions have such a strong power on us, that we would be absolutely nothing without them. I'm not really sure the point of this blog. Usually I have a theme of some sort with my posts. But, this one has none. I love writing, so I guess this is why I wrote this blog. But, if I had to come up with some sort of theme it would be; Don't hide from your emotions. Embrace them whether they're bad, good,or painful. Those emotions show who you are, and without those emotions, you're nothing.

Days days days.

One day becomes the next. A few months becomes a year. A few years become a lifetime. A lifetime becomes a blessing. So why, do we allow our days to simply become blended into one another? What the hell are we doing with these lucky days? We should be enjoying them.

Embrace the change!

Similar to my last post about time, it's become evident that change is unstoppable. As human beings,  we can't exactly control it, but we can control how we react to it. Whether it's something small like a hair cut, or a complete change of attitude, we must embrace it. I suppose those examples weren't the best to choose because they are both controllable but there are situations that we come across that we can't control. When someone dies, it causes a change in the perception and sometimes in the way we live. As the most intelligent species on earth, we're pretty damn weak. Well, let me rephrase that. Bigger things such as mother nature are much stronger than us which is hard for us to accept.  We're so used to controlling everything like other species, that we can't believe it when fate or karma intervenes and throws us off.
With all of this nonsense that we can't control, we need to find something that we can. As I said before, we can control how we react. Instead of feeling like giving up when things get hard, let's change how we look at it. Let's embrace the change and change our whole lifestyle. That's what I love. When I'm too comfortable with my life, I'll do something dramatic to mix it up. Yeah it may make things more complicated for now but in the end when we're able to really be thankful for the things we love, we'll learn to shape our lives around change.

Time.

This may be the shortest and most obvious blog post ever written, but here it is; time flies whether you're ready for it or not. Goodnight everyone.

Love and all it's twists

Let me just say that it took me at least three times to start this post. I'm not quite sure why I'm struggling so much to write about love. I've experienced it before,  and I am now! Maybe not in the traditional sense as in "lets get married and have lots of babies" but I do love so many people and things. I love my dogs so dearly I feel like I'm going to be a dog lady when I'm older. I love my Juicy Couture bag that I treat like a new born baby. I love my car so much that I think that any little noise out of place is my cars plea for help. I love my family so much that I truly can not see myself living a life without them in it. I love my best friends so much that I worry about them more than myself. So with all of this love in my life, how am I struggling to write about it?
Maybe its because it is so twisted.  I feel like if I express the screwed up things about love that I would be a cynical person, but this is my blog. So let me warn you.  If you think love is a perfect rose with a lovely scent and no thorns than stop reading right now.
From what I've experienced, which is a lot for a short 16 years, I can tell you that love is worth it. Even through the times of hatred, it is always worth it. My brother, Tony, has been through a lot, and when someone you love goes through something, you hop on that train and follow along on that same journey. Whether it's a good or a bad journey, it is still a time when that person needs someone and that's where love comes in. Because of love, we as human beings have the ability to trust and care for someone. This is why we support the people we love. We trust them to be there for us when we are going through our own journey, whether it's good or bad.
But here it is folks. The moment you've all been waiting for. Here comes the cynical part. Love is absolutely horrible. It makes people do illogical things that would have never happened. Love makes people kill they're loved one because they cheated. And that's because they trusted them, and they expected the other person to care for them. Besides that, I have no explanation.
Right this second, I'm experiencing love.  I'm laying in bed with my dog right next to me and I'm feeling content and at peace with the world. So that's why love is worth it. Even if it makes us do crazy,  stupid things, it also makes us do wonderful and unexplainable things. Love makes us experience compassion even when we don't want to. It makes us better people because when you're truly in love, it makes you smile. All the time. And smiling spreads happiness in ways we could never imagine. So yes, love is twisted and horrible, but it's okay, because it's also beautiful.

My Introduction

Dear reader,
My posts are my opinions based on things I've experienced throughout my life. Those opinions may not be similar to yours, but just remember, you came to read my blog. I respect your opinions, please respect mine. Now that that's said, I'd like to really introduce myself.
My name is Gabby, and I'm only 16. My life has just begun, although sometimes it feels like it drags on for too long, and that's where this comes in. I've created this blog to remind myself that I go through tough times, and I get through them, and I hope that helps you. Like I said before, I'm only 16. When I was 12, all I wanted was to be 16 but now, all I want to be is 18 and heading to college. Throughout my life, I will continously look forward to my future.
I'm going to admit something. I'm not the kind of person who "lives for today" even though I do think that every person should dream big dreams, and go for them. I am that girl that plans everything. When I was 9, I knew what I wanted to be when I was older. When I was an innocent and naive seventh grader, I knew that I wasn't fit for this teenage stuff and I still think that. I've never been the girl to go to high school events because I would much rather be with friends in downtown Portland, or at dinner. Maybe that relates to my lack of interest with most sports (besides NBA basketball) but I'm pretty sure it's because I feel I never relate with most high schoolers.
My best friends are the same way. Ready for the future, and dreaming of it. So reader, if you're even out there, I'm going to lay it all out for you. Here is a simple list that really doesn't say enough;

My Dreams:
-To be happy. I know, everyone says that, but I mean genuinely happy. The kind of happy that only comes from things that I really love to do. The kind of happy that sometimes hurts.
-To become an editor at a publishing firm. This is that one dream that determines my life. It's my career. If you asked me what I wanted to become a few years back, I would have said an author. But I love reading too much. I'd rather read other people's writing and help them with my own writing skills. Since I've made this decision, I've been more focused, and my future is suddenly clear.
-To own my own book store when I retire. As I'm writing this, I'm laughing because I haven't really thought about this. I just woke up one morning imagining myself living at the Oregon Coast and drinking a cup of tea in my own book store, and it felt great.
-To move to a different country. I love traveling. It really is unlike anything else. I've always dreamed of moving to Greece and living a very simplistic life. We'll see how that one goes.
-To fall in love. I've seen everyone around me fall in love, but I seem to be the one that has issues trusting someone to that extent.

Those are my main dreams. The ones I think about every single day. I do have many more, but it seems like they're going to stay in my dreams for a while. And reader, I'm sorry about the long post. I promise none of my upcoming blog posts will be so long. Sometimes people just need to get their story out there first before anything else, and that's exactly what I did.